Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
