Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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