I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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