Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
as a side note pls kill me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
FUCK WHALES
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