I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We are all done wearing pants today
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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