Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
