i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
its liver damage thursday
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
