I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
