I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
