dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
