My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize