I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
