i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
