Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
