very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize