after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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