I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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