So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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