Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
