I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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