I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
