if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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