We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
