yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
