We're like a lot better than the average bears
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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