I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
