Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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