soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
