she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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