Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
