Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
