The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
