She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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