Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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