Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
