New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
