an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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