She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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