No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
