Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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