He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
