pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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