well you can't waste a boner
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
