We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
