ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
