it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize