If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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