it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
