So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize