I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
