How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
