So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
