Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
