So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
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