Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize