So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We left the knife in your bed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
