she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
