also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
