I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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