if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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