My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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